Your DIY Doula Guide to the 5 love languages
💞 Find Your Love Language for Labor Support
Less than 10 percent of women will have a doula at their birth, but I still want the other 90 percent to get the same benefits. Doulas are linked to shorter labors, lower c-section rates, and higher birth satisfaction and breastfeeding success. But even if you don’t have a doula, your support person can still learn how to show up like one.
That’s where this quiz comes in.
Everyone experiences love and support differently, and that doesn’t stop when you go into labor. Knowing your “Love Language for Labor Support” helps your partner, best friend, or mom understand how to comfort you in a way that actually lands. Because when you’re in labor, what helps one person relax might irritate another.
Take this quick 10-question quiz to discover your Labor Love Language so your birth team knows exactly how to show up for you.
💕 QUIZ: What’s Your Love Language for Labor Support?
Circle or note the answer that feels most comforting or motivating to you during labor.
1. When I start to feel overwhelmed during contractions, I’d love for my support person to:
A. Tell me “You’re doing amazing. Your body knows what to do.”
B. Rub my back or hold my hand through the wave.
C. Bring me ice chips, water, or a cool towel without me asking.
D. Sit quietly and breathe with me, matching my rhythm.
E. Surprise me with something small and thoughtful, like a note or affirmation card.
2. The most reassuring thing my birth partner could do is:
A. Keep encouraging me with calm, steady words.
B. Offer counterpressure or massage right when I need it.
C. Anticipate my needs, like helping me change positions or adjusting pillows.
D. Stay close and fully present without distractions.
E. Hand me something meaningful, like a cozy blanket or small token.
3. When I picture being supported during labor, I imagine:
A. Hearing gentle reminders of how strong and capable I am.
B. Feeling grounded by touch, a hand on my shoulder, or a hug between contractions.
C. Someone quietly doing things to make me more comfortable.
D. My partner right beside me the entire time.
E. Receiving a meaningful keepsake or gesture that reminds me of this moment.
4. What would frustrate me most in labor?
A. Hearing silence or unsure words when I need reassurance.
B. Feeling untouched or physically disconnected.
C. Having to ask for help over and over again.
D. My partner stepping out or seeming distracted.
E. Feeling like the environment lacks little comforts or thoughtful touches.
5. During early labor at home, I’d most appreciate:
A. My partner saying, “You’re handling this perfectly.”
B. Gentle touch, back rubs, or hip squeezes.
C. Help preparing snacks, a bath, or the birth space.
D. Someone sitting near me, timing contractions, and just being there.
E. A surprise comfort item like my favorite drink, music playlist, or candle.
6. I feel most loved and supported when my partner:
A. Reminds me verbally that I’m safe, strong, and doing well.
B. Physically comforts me through hugs, pressure, or massage.
C. Takes initiative to care for practical needs.
D. Spends focused time connecting and checking in emotionally.
E. Gives thoughtful little things that show they’ve been thinking of me.
7. The best kind of encouragement sounds like:
A. “You’re doing it. You’ve got this.”
B. Silent presence and a reassuring touch.
C. Helping me change positions or grab what I need.
D. Eye contact and quiet companionship through each contraction.
E. A sweet note or symbol of encouragement I can hold.
8. When I think of feeling safe during birth, I picture:
A. Steady affirmations grounding me through the process.
B. Strong, consistent physical contact or touch.
C. Someone handling the details so I don’t have to.
D. My person right there, in tune with my rhythm.
E. Surroundings that feel cozy, personal, and meaningful.
9. My ideal birth team would be made up of people who:
A. Speak gently and confidently to me.
B. Aren’t afraid of physical closeness or hands-on support.
C. Step in and help without waiting to be told.
D. Stay by my side no matter how long it takes.
E. Add thoughtful touches that make the space special.
10. If I could only have one kind of support, it would be:
A. Encouraging words.
B. Physical touch or comfort.
C. Helpful actions that make labor smoother.
D. Undivided presence and attention.
E. Meaningful, tangible gestures or keepsakes.
🩷 Scoring
Count how many A’s, B’s, C’s, D’s, and E’s you chose.
Your highest letter is your Labor Love Language.
Mostly A - Words of Affirmation
You feel supported through calm, positive reminders. Have your team use grounding words like “You’re safe,” “You’re doing it,” and “Your body knows what to do.”
Mostly B - Physical Touch
Touch helps you regulate. You may love hand-holding, counterpressure, gentle massage, or hip squeezes. Communicate what feels best before labor starts.
Mostly C - Acts of Service
You relax when things are handled. Support looks like someone bringing water, adjusting lighting, or advocating on your behalf.
Mostly D - Quality Time
Presence is your anchor. You feel safest when your person stays close, calm, and fully tuned in. Quiet connection means everything.
Mostly E - Receiving Gifts
Thoughtful details matter. Maybe a calming playlist, affirmation cards, or a keepsake bracelet helps you feel seen and cared for.
🌸 how does this help?
Knowing your Labor Love Language helps your support team show up with confidence instead of guessing what you need. If you’re preparing for birth, take a few minutes to print your results and share them with your partner, sister, or whoever will be in your corner.
